Brutally Honest

God, it's been ages since I've been on here. I thought my account was going to be null in void b/c I haven't been on here in so long.
I needed the journal archives to help write my novel.

In case any of you are wondering or even give two shits, I am currently writing a Satirical Memoir called "Sanguine"
My neighbor is a screen play writer & is the son of John Michael Hayes, screenplay writer for "Rear Window" - Alfred Hitchcock is his uncle.
Anyhow, once my novel is finished, he is going to help me convert it to a screenplay, and then shop it to Ken something or other, one of the producers of "Usual Suspects" in LA. Very excited about the whole opportunity, although, I fear that once Hollywood gets it's hands on it, they will desecrate everything & anything that made the novel unique as it's own beast.

Although I am not counting my chickens b/f the little bastards hatch, I am optimistic about the movie. Even if Mr. Usual Suspects never takes the bait, I have alternative routes that I am considering.
In actuality, I think I would rather do it as an independent film, along the lines of Eternal Sunshine, Thirteen & Prozac Nation.

Either way, it is going to take me at least a year to write the novel (if I stay focused), about a couple of years to hunt for a publisher & maybe about five to start turning it into film. This year I am writing the novel & screenplay somewhat simultaneously - while also working on cd projects, artwork & trying to do freelance journalism (I recently got a lead to possibly join Arbus magazine via friend connections).

Life is grand, busy & full-filling, until the next opportunity comes along that is.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention - I'm moving to San Francisco in about a year so if I fall off the face of the earth, I'm sorry.
You'll have to catch me while you can.

Luvins All,
Mia

My friends David & Suzan have a TON of Star Wars & Batman memorabilia
(including action figures still in their original unopened boxes) - they are looking to get rid of it & asked me to spread the word. They are utilizing Ebay too but find it to be a pain, so if anyone wants any of this stuff let me know & I'll pass it along.

Yes, I know that sounds creepy but it's true.
Today is my actual birthday (although I celebrated it this past weekend)
I was on the phone w/ my sister whom I haven't spoke w/ in a very long time. I missed her.
She was the first to say "happy birthday" on my actual birthday.
It came up in conversation about how I no longer have anything that was our mothers.
I inherited alot of my mothers jewelery & some clothes when she died - but most of the clothes didn't really fit so I gave alot of them away to the Hubbard House, so pretty much all I had was her jewelery that I loved to play with as a child. Well, years ago when I was a teenager still living at home with my dad, our house got broken into & they stole the jewelery box with all of the jewelery I inherited from my mother & great grandmother. All of it. I had not a shred left of her but photographs.
I remember telling my sister about it (b/c she did still have some jewelery that she too inherited from mom) but Tracey just said "Well you look like mom, that should be enough."
I expressed to Tracey tonight how much that statement hurt me & of course she apologized not realizing that she was being hurtful. There is this bracelet that my sister Tracey & I always fought over to have (as adults that is). My mother had this beautiful clamp bracelet with different colored gems all over it. It was GORGEOUS - my favorite piece of jewelery of hers. I played with it all of the time when I played dress up as a kid. Well, I brought up again tonight how much I love that bracelet & wished she'd let me have it. Realizing that I was being selfish I said "Well, if you want to give me a piece of her jewelery you can give me whatever you want so long as it's pretty" lol
So anyway, we got to talking about something else & Tracey mentioned that she went to mom's grave earlier today (3/6/06) - then I heard a gasp & Tracey got quiet.
"What is it Tracey?" I asked in suspense.
"You won't believe what I just saw," Tracey continues in astonishment. "Melissa, I was looking at this green ring of Mom's & the bracelet & trying to figure out which one to give you. I really wanted to keep the bracelet but then I closed the box - which is the original pink jewelry box of the ring, it's original cotton is in it & everything Melissa - anyway, I closed the box & it had written on it 3/7!
And right now, it's 12:49am & it's 3/7... YOUR birthday Melissa!!
Melissa, Mom wants you to have this bracelet - she's telling me to give this bracelet to you."
Then, Tracey lets out another gasp...
"Oh my God, Melissa - her HAIR is in this box!! It's a strand of her dark wavey hair! You have to have this Melissa!"

Chills were sprouting all over my body by this point - then all of a sudden I got a jolt - a sudden wave from another realm. It not only dawned on me that the bracelet was mom's way before I was even born & that it was given to her on my birthday years BEFORE I was born, but that also - today - I am turning 29 years old.
29 is the exact age my mother was when she gave birth to me - 29.

I told Tracey this & she said "Melissa, you better write all of this down, all of it!"
So here I am, recording this phenomenon.
Over the years Mom has sent me dozen's of little messages from beyond the grave, letting me know she is still with me, watching me, listening to me, empathizing with me.
This time, she did more than send me a message - she sent me the most important birthday present I will ever receive -
a present from her.

Wow, I can't believe not one of you responded to my birthday party post. Some of you I figured,
but Jeez.

Some friends.....

Well, I just got home from Cabaret practice at Boomtown theatre. We are portraying actual Jacksonville History by reinacting the events that led up to the making of 5 points. My character is a reprensentation of 5 points. I'm sorta like Che' in Evita. Anyhow - I just found out tonight that we are doing the era of the early 90's in this show also - which to me is pretty cool considering I grew up being one of those Riverside / 5 point kids wearing vintage clothing from Repeat Performances & buying CD's from Now Hear This. It's exciting to me b/c I think other than the director Stephen Dare, I am the only one in the cast that remembers the scene b/c I grew up in it. How perfect & exciting that he wants me to represent the people of 5 points. The "kool kids" so to speak. I still have ALL of my old clothes that I bought from Edge City, Repeat Performances - etc from back then. Damn, if only I were still the size 2 I was back then, then I could bust that shit out & wear those teeny tiny Besty Johnsons making it more authentic - totally getting more into character.

Stephen just informed us that we all have to wear Doc Martins. YES!!!! I can't wait to wear those big ass clod hoppers w/ the black & white stripped tights I used to wear. I'm so glad I never threw that shit out. This is why an actress should never dispose of any clothing.

Now I have to bust out my "Welcome to the 90's" tapes to get back into the mood.

The method acting has begun....

So I took this quizzilla thing not knowing who the candidates were & BAM guess what rock they said I was - oh yeah, I thought so!


You are Mike Patton.


Which music god are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Impossible to Please You had sex with 0 out of 21!

You are impossible to please. You are the most selective of all female seekers, showing not even a marginal interest in marginal women. Of the 21 women I showed you, 2 or fewer were satisfactory, meaning you have extremely tight standards. It is likely that in your everyday life you're not much of a gawker or whistler, and -- I'm going out on a limb here -- you don't sleep with hookers. Anyway, there are three different reasons why you'd score so low in my variable, "tolerance." The first: you could be unreasonably picky. It could be you need to chill out and be more forgiving of natural flaws. Or, the second: you're not too picky, but you have unusual tastes, which of course can be a blessing. (It's a blessing when you're the only one who recognizes some girl's beauty!) The third: hey, maybe you're with a friend, and you're hiding the truth about your desperation. Test results are categorized into 8 levels of pickiness, as the graph to the right shows. You are the #1, most critical, test taker. As an experiment, you might try the test late at night, under the influence of alcohol.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on tolerance

Link: The How Low Are Your Sex Standards Test written by chicken_pot_pie on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I saw this originally on razberryfixx's site.

There's this website called "face regognition" something or other & tells you what celebs your face resembles.

I submitted five pics for comparison, but the main "look alike" celebs that repeatidly popped up for me were:

Angelina Jolie (4 times)
Christina Ricci (4 times)
Kate Winslet (4 times)
Bette Davis (3 times)
Beyonce Knowles (3 times)
Sandra Bullock (3 times)
Halle Berry (3 times)
Drew Barrymore (3 times)
Zhang Ziyi? (twice)
Liv Tyler (twice)
Alanis Morrisette (twice)
Mira Sorvino (twice)

others mentioned were: Scarlette Johansson, Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, Vivienn Leigh, Jodi Foster, Ville Valo, Elijah Wood, Jackie Kennedy & Bjork.

Funny thing is, I have been told that I looked like Christina Ricci, Angelina Jolie, Liv Tyler & Alanis Morrisette before. Funny how you never see it yourself, till you take one of these little tests. ha ha

Now, don't trust me - go see for yourself & check out who your face looks like.
You too my darling, could be in pictures.

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php?s=1&u=g0〈=EN

I had a very very long month.  Busy w/ 2 cd projects & just last night I filmed a scene in the indie film "Tomorrow Mourning" by David Pelansky.
I played a hooker w/ one line "I give the best blowjobs in Jacksonville", ad libbing of course. ha ha
Anyhow, didn't get finished till wee hours of the morning & I have been trying to upload my damn songs on myspace music.  Still haven't figured it out, so I decided to watch some videos on the net & saw this:

 

Damn.  Who ever thought I'd be into a gothic chap?  (huge sigh) now I can go to sleep soundly. :)

Okay, so the stalker thing has gotten a bit serious. My neighbor just came over and told me about 12am last night there was a guy peeking in at my bedroom window. She said he peeked, then moved to the side of the building, then came in & peeked again. Her husband went out w/ a bat & he ran away. No one really got a good look at the guy except maybe his hair was dark. At first they thought it was the Mexicans who just moved in next door (b/c they are always howling at women who walk down the street) but the first person who came to my mind was Peyton (the guy who was co-star Jessica Alba in the show Flipper). He had been calling me alot, he came over at 6:30am one morning pounding on my kitchen window & one night he showed up unexpected at my door step. He used the lame excuse "I called your phone but it said it was disconnected." My phone wasn't disconnected, I called it from work to check my messages. He's a fucking psycho liar. At first I found it flattering, you know that a former teen idol guy was sort of sweating me, but now I'm just a bit freaked. I could be wrong, it could just be the new perverted neighbors, but it still leaves me very very uneasy. I mean, I'm a 4'10" woman. A 4'10" woman who lives alone. Jody thinks that whoever this person is must know I live alone - I agree. I usually go into my bedroom around 12am to retire for the evening, normally reading w/ my lamp on. I have the feeling that this person may know my daily regimen. I dunno, it's not the first time a guy has been at my bedroom window to freak me the hell out, but it's usually some guy that I dated in the past who turned out to be a wierdo. I guess history is repeating itself.
Jeez, who knew?
And us chicks are the ones who are usually pegged w/ the psycho lable. (grunts sarcastically). At least we have the decency not to peek in windows & stalk people smaller & weaker than us.
Word to the wise fellas - serenading us at a window is romantic - but invading our privacy & scaring us half to freakin' death will never get you laid.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving everyone! Love all of you guys, even though I don't see any of you outside of live journal world - ha ha.
Hope your Holidays are fantabulous!
(I feel like I'm carrying a litter after all of the food I ate yesterday)

"Dames, sometimes they just gotta let it out - and then a bucket later, you'd never know."

- Marv, Sin City

"I'm through feeling deeply, let's dive into the shallow end."

- Morcheeba

I was at a friends party this weekend & all my friends there were married w/ kids.  I met this guy that I kind of dug & we hit it off so we may start dating, who knows?  Then I got a little sad.  I thought, should I be settling down too?  I felt bummed about the fact that I may have to settle down soon seeing as though I'm not getting any younger.  Then I see this picture & thought, "Settle for second best? NAHHHHH!"

 

 

Dear God - there goes my heart - ker thud, ker thud. Yeah, I'd have to say I am still holding out for a Mike Patton clone. Sad but true. There just is no other way.

Last night after I did a belly dance show at Hookah's I went to this dive in Jax Beach called Gingers to have a drink. Not realizing it was Karaokee night, I said "what the heck" & went up there & sang Nancy Sinatra's "Boots are made for Walkin".
After I sung, a few people came up to me & gave me compliments, one guy bought me a shot, yada yada and this one guy bought me a rose. Turns out the guy who bought me the damned rose is a movie producer!
He is filming a movie here in March with George Clooney, Paul Newman & JoAnn Woodward & asked me if I wanted to be in the movie. He said all speaking parts are taken but if one drops out, he'll give me a small speaking part. He's also filming a movie w/ Sarah Jessica Parker in New York.
Anyways, I wasn't sure if he was for real or not, so I checked his website & sure enough, he's for real.
Also, the bartenders confirmed his credibility.

Can you believe that? I freakin' sing one karaokee song & get scouted for a major motion picture.
Gotta love those little dives.

I'm looking all over town for a business suit that fits me right & is not $100.
I just got a call from a mortgage company yesterday who had my resume from a Feburary & wants to offer me an interview with their company. If I get the job I will be an Underwriter Liason & I will be making 6K more a year than I'm making now. Oh, & it's in Ponte Vedra so I won't have to use up much gas & I can go for walks on the beach when the office has stressed me out.
WOO HOO!!!
Only catch is, it's business professional. No more business casual - which is all the shit I own, so I have to buy a whole new wardrobe (have to wear business suits everyday).
Anyhow - it's been tough looking for a suit b/c I am super short & super stacked which means the cheaper suits (that are sets together) are either too big in the leg or too small in the bust.
Who ever said that big chested women were tall & short legged women had ant bites?
Sucks to be unique.

I also have to get a gyspy like skirt b/c I have a show tomorrow at Hooka's. It's our last day of belly dancing class & I have to dress up a bit for our little performance there.
Please, no one show up - b/c I am in a class of freakin retards.
We are like the bad news bears - the A-wingers. My belly dancing class rides the short bus.

Alright - gotta go buy gyspy jewelery for my Halloween outfit.

Till next time...

I love it when the seasons change. I'm not particularly big on the colder seasons but I like the new beginnings a new season brings.
Fashion is better in Fall & Winter, I think.
Right now I feel the nip of October in the air & little of that stinky fall stinch.
You guys know what I'm talkin' about?
Maybe it's just the smell of Jacksonville - lol.

Hey, anybody know of any good Halloween parties to go to this year???

Late this morning I stopped in at Angie’s subs on my way to work.

While waiting on my cold cut sub w/ olives, I decided to thumb through the local women’s magazine Skirt.  A couple of months ago, I had called them about submitting an article & they said I could, so I thought I would take a peek at the magazine to get the vibe of it before I send my ever so controversial article over.  I was glancing through & saw an advertisement for the Southern Women’s show at the Prime Osbourne this month & decided to read the itinerary.  Every now & then I like to do girlie things to remind myself I am still a woman in the testosterone dominant environment so many of us find ourselves in (no offense guys).The only day I am available to go to this girlie fest is on a Saturday, so I looked at the schedule of events to see if I would be interested or not. Then I saw it, Saturday: Mother/Daughter Day – and my heart sank. Immediately I knew that my first reaction would have been to call Momma up & tell her I’m taking her there – that is, if she were still alive. I often think about my mom & what my life would be like if she hadn’t of died 14 years ago. Would I have turned out so complicated? Would I still be an independent woman or would I have followed in her footsteps & gotten married? Would my idea of love, marriage, trust & human decency have been so jaded if she were still alive? Would I be more like her - calm, collected & modest instead of like my father - anxious, eccentric & loud? Would she be upset that I didn’t exactly follow in her virtuous footsteps? Would she understand why? And then the big question comes: Would I have been something big by now if she were here to push me or convince my father to have let me gone to D.A instead of EHS? Would she have encouraged me to move to LA or NYC? I know if she were alive, my stomach would rest easy knowing I had a home to go to if I had somehow failed in a new city. Last night I went to the Alhambra & saw the show Gypsy. I had never seen that show before, but something in it made me think about Momma. It was when Rose, the mother, was telling her brother that having a plaque of appreciation from a steady job doesn’t mean anything but “here’s our thanks for looking at the same four walls day in/day out for 50 years”! I drove home last night thinking about that & how I had let myself & my dreams down. What am I doing still working in an office, still complaining about it & still using the same excuse “I can’t afford to move"? What would my mom feel about that? To know that her talented little girl crawled under a rock b/c of fear. My mother always told me to go after my dreams & not let anyone stand in my way. I haven’t let anyONE stand in my way – but what about anything? What about money, security, fear of starting over? The root word being “fear”. This morning I woke up late. I blamed it on menstrual issues, when the truth was, I was too exhausted to get out of bed. I dreaded coming to work today -looking at the same 4 grey cubicle walls, sending out the same lender packages, dealing with numbers & attitudes of spiteful women all day. I hated math as a student & ironically that is all that my job is made up of. Numbers, calculations, deciphering lender docs, notarizations & gossip. The best part is when I hear my cubicle neighbor yelling at the top of her lungs while earnestly pounding her fat fists on the desk as if it were her ex husbands head. I just want to buy her a punching bag & be done with it. The highlight of the quarter was when we wrapped her entire desk (typrewriter, stapler, computer, everything) in tin foil. How disappointing my life has become. I want to crawl in my mothers lap & tell her all about it. Then watch the magical words of inspiration & wisdom flow out of her mouth, guiding me on what to do and that it will all be okay.

 

 

I know I said I would no longer mope about my mother on LJ.  But that's like promising to never burp in public again. You try to hold it in, but it sneaks out when you least expect it to. All of these thoughts & questions swim about in my mind as I wait for my sandwich to be made. Suddenly they call my name & I’m out the door. I turn on the ignition & then my car cd player, forgetting the cd I had playing inside of it. The words of Tracey Bonham’s "Mother Mother" began to play. I immediately got a huge lump in my throat ( Read more... )

You guys reply back w/ your info if ya wanna.

Name: Melissa Marie Carlin (Mia aka Missie - although I hate the name Missie - so please, just call me Mia)

Birthday: March 7, 1977
Birthplace: Jacksonville, FL
Current Location: Jacksonville Beach, FL
Eye Color: Blue-Grey
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 4'10"
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: Sicilian, Cherokee Indian & Black Irish (Spanish/Irish Mix)
The Shoes You Wore Today: Blue strappy sandles
Your Weakness: Milk & Men
Your Fears: Heights & Demons
Your Perfect Pizza: Super Supreme
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: hmmm, this year is almost over. Lose 25 lbs. - Next year, finish my solo cd, book & find a decent band
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol
Thoughts First Waking Up: snoooozzzzzeee button!
Your Best Physical Feature: eyes & boobs
Your Bedtime: usually 1am
Your Most Missed Memory: my mother
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: neither - nasty
Single or Group Dates: like em' both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither - again NASTAYYY
Chocolate or Vanilla: both
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappucino
Do you Smoke: only when I drink
Do you Swear: yes
Do you Sing: Yes & I do it professionally
Do you Shower Daily: Oh for Pete's sake, Of Course.
Have you Been in Love: yes
Do you want to go to College: Yes!! I did, but didn't have the $$ or time to finish
Do you want to get Married: Yes someday - gotta kiss alot of frogs to get to that prince though lol :)
Do you belive in yourself: depends on the day, but mostly Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness: no
Do you think you are Attractive: yes, but hate seeing myself on TV
Are you a Health Freak: not as much as I want to be
Do you get along with your Parents: My mother, always - my Father -it varies
Are your parents still married: Technically yes, but no - my mother died when I was 14.
What famous person would you marry if given the chance: Mike Patton - hands down.
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Do you play an Instrument: piano & the harmonica
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes
In the past month have you Smoked: yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes, today as a matter of fact
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: No, I dumped the last guy I was with
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no - not since I was 25
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: yes
Ever been called a Tease: yes
Ever been Beaten up: Nope
Ever Shoplifted: yes
How do you want to Die: in my sleep & very very old
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Singer, Actress, Writer, Director - Wife & Mother
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy & Egypt
Favourite Eye Color: It depends - I like all eyes usually
Favourite Hair Color: On guys, - I usually like brunettes, but have been known to like all types
Short or Long Hair: short
Height: definitely over 5'8" - usually over 6 ft
Weight: doesnt matter
Best Clothing Style: As long as it's their own style & not redneckish, it's okay w/ me.
Number of Drugs I have taken: 4
Number of CDs I own: ? - lots
Number of Piercings: 3
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: hmmm, little & lots depending on the moment I am in...

This was the first Faith No More song I learned on the piano - then I take this quiz & Voila!




Edge of the World~

Oh, my. A smooth-talking pedophile. Excuse me while
I lock up my daughters.


Which Mike Patton song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Funny thing is, years ago, I decided to do this song as a sexy, jazzy cover.
I think this is confirmation that I need to do this song. I even told my lj friend Bunglespice that I wanted to redo it. Do you remember Rob?
Well, it's an omen. A sick omen, but an omen, never the less. :)

Okay, so I know that I said last night that I wasn't going to meet anyone new, but I had to make the exception - for Amy Lee from Evanescence.

Right after band practice I went to Eddie Bahama's for a beer & shot of Jager, just like I planned. Still a little wierded out from the news I got about the date that turned out to be a murderer, I decided just to chill at a bar by myself. Three different guys came up to me trying to pick me up & it was really getting on my nerves, so I just kept blowing them off.
Then this 21 year kid who was completely blitz out of his mind kept falling into my lap. After the third ker-plunk I decided to get the hell out of there.

Although severely crowded, I decided to go to the Ritz. It was 1am & 30 minutes until they turned the lights on, so I thought 30 mts of a bunch of hammered yuppies wouldn't bother me too much. I felt there, at least I would be a little more invisible.
So there I was, at the Ritz in my best pair of overall jean shorts, an orange top that was way too tight for me & a messy ponytail.
Yes, it is safe to say, I felt a little out of place.
I looked like a fucking farmer.

I glance over & see this very petite, very pale girl in a black shirt & bluejeans - sporting the same messy ponytail I did, except only black. She looked like any other goth chick on a dress down day. Then I see it, the smile followed by those famous dimples I saw in the "Everybody's Fool" video.
I walked up to her & said "Hey are you Amy?" She said "Yeah Girl! How are ya?" and gave me a big hug. So needless to say we chatted it up until the bar closed. She was very cool, very young & laid back in a cheery/tomboyish way. Her mannerisms showed her age a bit, but it was no big - she was a "right on" kinda gal - a phrase, I myself use frequently. She stood a whole 5 feet tall, only 2 inches over me, no makeup, (she didn't need any, very pretty naturally) a few zits & those famous dimples.
She used the word fuck alot.
"Fuck yeah, Fuckin' A, What the Fuck" ha ha - it was great, I felt like I was talking to my twin - the gothic one.

Her I talked shop pretty much the whole time. Of course she ranted about how the industry fucked her over & finally she perservered on this next album they have coming out. It was interesting, although she was telling me things I already new about how seedy the music business really is, it was still interesting to know what she personally went through.
I would have bought her a shot, but I was completely broke. Some guy I knew bought my beers.
Needless to say, I called in to work this morning - I have a ton of sick days to use up before Decemeber so I'm not really concerned.
I slept till 5pm. Guess I needed the shut eye after the hellacious month I had.

I'm always meeting & hanging out with really cool, down to earth rock stars at the Ritz. I can't even count on 2 hands how many people I have met & hung out at the Ritz in the industry. This isn't even counting over a dozen I have met elsewhere over the years. Funny thing is, I have not one picture - except the one w/ Pauly Shore and I, 6 years ago in Orlando.
I've come to the conclusion that it's about time for me to get a camera phone.